Blog

Regarding my OCD, these are only small snapshots, and are in no way an indication of how often it happens - I do not write 99% of it down. Cannot stress enough how much it affects me almost 24/7. Everything is substituted (like I'm going to write down my real triggers lmao).

29/8/22

>:|

Some idiot parked on my drive so I took photos (in the hopes they were watching - I dawdled) and shoved a note under their wipers. I had to go out with friends, but called a family member to make them aware it was happening. Apparently, they left shortly after. I'm pretty sure the car is now on the other side of the road, so they listened :)

7/8/22

DRAW!

Every time I feel like I'm coming back to art, I slip. It's not annoying, it's very frustrating. I haven't improved very much because of my lack of drawing. I wish I drew as much as my younger self. But wishing is going to do nothing, so I've been doing things to force me to draw...and have been enjoying it!

I started an art group with my friends. It's basically just a call and we draw for an hour and post whatever we have. I've also started drawing downstairs. Get out of my room to help me draw.

I'm moving this year. Looking forward to it.

14/7/22

fuming

So apparently this OCD therapy I've been doing is only 8 sessions and it was supposed to be CBT. Firstly, I was not aware of how short it would be. At one point she told me she had to go 30 mins early, to which I was like "sure", but that was part of the time taken. Same with me - one point she scheduled the time wrong (I had written it down as soon as she typed it, but the message said an hour later) so I had to bail after 10. Secondly, what kind of bullshit magic-bullet shit thinks that most can go through it and that it "works quite quickly", enough for it to do be done in under 5 hours? Imagine that - all your years' worth of anxiety and problems gone or mostly dealt with like that! Easy! Pfft.

Not going to show the screenshots (that's for the next time I complain via email to them AGAIN), but it's actually staggering how anyone can think and type that out and claim to be a professional. It made me feel like shit, as if it was my fault. But that was the point. By placing the blame on me, it's an easy way out. Well, as soon as I read that I was 1) angry and 2) upset, so I googled it. Lo' and behold, she was full of BS. So I answered her a few minutes later asking her of where she heard it. She dodged the question.

I ended up mic dropping her. She left me an email apologising and whatnot ("sorry that you felt like the conversation was difficult" bs), and said if I didn't reply in a week, she's referring me back. Not going to reply, most likely, but I will make my final complaint after my course is finished (next week)!

Don't let people treat you like shit. Ever.

THE HEAT

is pushing me~ I get to make that joke 'cause Dragon's Dogma 2 was announced. I've been ill - AGAIN - with possibly covid - AGAIN. Sucks because it's the last few days of my course. What the fuck.

Reminder to make more writings on hmm...tolerance, star wars games, quick codes for sites...and I had more but I forgot.....

Thursday/Friday

Date/time 7/7

Trigger | What happened before? Walking, working etc

Obsession | Intrusive thought, image, urge, impulse, or belief C,

Emotion | What did you feel? Rate intensity 0-100% 35%

Compulsion (coping strategy) Picture, words, eyes, hands

Wednesday

Date/time 7/7

Trigger | What happened before? Walking, music, games, work

Obsession | Intrusive thought, image, urge, impulse, or belief C, P

Emotion | What did you feel? Rate intensity 0-100% 35%

Compulsion (coping strategy) Picture, words, eyes, hands

Tuesday

Date/time 5/7

Trigger | What happened before? Doing homework

Obsession | Intrusive thought, image, urge, impulse, or belief C,

Emotion | What did you feel? Rate intensity 0-100% 22%

Compulsion (coping strategy) Picture, words, eyes, hands

Trigger | What happened before? Playing games, watching stuff

Obsession | Intrusive thought, image, urge, impulse, or belief P, C,

Emotion | What did you feel? Rate intensity 0-100% 20%

Compulsion (coping strategy) Picture, words, eyes, hands

I'm supposed to be keeping a record

...for my OCD. Really hate doing it on a pdf. I feel like here is more natural. Everything is substituted. I'm not that personal!